on self-love

i don’t write poems about my crushes

about infatuation
or the
tingling feeling
in your stomach
when you see them
i don’t write poems about
“i love you”s
or shy glances
across a classroom
or the one who you are
meant to be with
forever
i write poems about love lost
about heartbreak
about the sinking feeling
in my stomach
or my brain
i can’t decide
i write to make you fall apart
i write to shatter you
into a million pieces
i write to heal
i write to put you
back together
it’s not that i’m above love
or that i haven’t loved
or that i won’t ever be in in love
it’s that i have a strong inkling
that i can’t be loved
i have been cherished by my parents
and doted on by teachers
and thanked by friends
i have been texted and told
and whispered to
“i love you”
many a time
but i can’t be loved
i am sure of this fact
i am not a horrible person
evil does not flow
through my veins
only love,
for i have so much to give
and yet
none to take
do not look at me with pity
say you love me when you
don’t mean it
because i know,
i know i can’t be loved
because i
have tried so hard
and have met
with defeat
 – on self-love

Screen Shot 2017-03-27 at 1.01.43 PM

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